Throughout our yearly meeting, individual Friends and Monthly and Quarterly Meetings are diligently working to make our communities more accessible for any and all who are impacted by disability. We are overjoyed to share that the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting will be offering two different support groups: a Disability Support Group for Friends with disabilities and a Caregiver Support Group for Friends who are caregivers of those with disabilities. These support groups are open to members and attenders of PYM who self-identify as having and/or supporting individuals with any kind of disability, physical or mental, visible or invisible.
[Read more…] about Creating Community: PYM to Offer Disability and Caregiver Support Groups
Pastoral Care
Building Connections Through Grief, Loss, and Pastoral Care
On October 19th, Friends gathered at Chestnut Hill Friends Meeting for a Thread Gathering focused on grief, loss, and pastoral care. The day provided space for conversations about how meetings offer support during life’s difficult moments. Participants shared their experiences, noting that strong relationships help meetings respond when members are going through challenges.
[Read more…] about Building Connections Through Grief, Loss, and Pastoral Care
Exploring Thoughtful Planning with Compassion and Care
Discussing the stages of life is never easy, but it still remains one of the most essential acts we can offer both ourselves, our loved ones, and members of our meeting. The upcoming workshop, Creating Your Advance Directives and End of Life Plan, which will be one of the three at the Grief, Loss & Bereavement: A Pastoral Care Thread Gathering On October 19th, will provide a welcoming space for Friends to navigate this delicate subject. Participants will gain insight into critical documents, such as living wills and healthcare directives, that help ensure their values and wishes are honored. The facilitators, Susan W. Hoskins (Newtown Friends Meeting) and Susan K. Garrison (Media Friends Meeting), will lead a discussion on completing important materials, offering peace of mind to us and those we care for.
[Read more…] about Exploring Thoughtful Planning with Compassion and Care
Friends Counseling Service: Key Questions Answered for Accessible Mental Health Care
The Friends Counseling Service (FCS) serves members and attenders of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting (PYM) who are in search for guidance, comfort, and assistance. This service offers accessible mental health care to Friends across PYM with counselors providing individual therapy, couples counseling, and family therapy sessions. We connected with Janaki Spickard Keeler, Friends Counseling Service Coordinator, who provided additional insight into the service by answering some key questions.
Supporting Children and Teens After Violence in the News
How do we talk to children and adolescents about gun violence and senseless tragedy? Parents and caregivers are helping their children process their feelings alongside their own, and signs of anxiety are different in children and adolescents when compared with adults. Pastoral care for children begins with pastoral care for their caregivers, and the resources below are offered to support parents and caregivers, educators, and Friends who care for and work with youth. A concern about election violence led to the creation of this event in October for families — Peace Begins with You: A Gathering for Children & Families — and we hope you will share this community gathering and the resources below with your meeting.
Processing in Developmentally Appropriate Ways
Children and teens will have different exposure to and understanding of violent incidents, and may feel anxiety, confusion, fear, sadness, or anger, and have questions about what they see and hear in the media and from friends. Children cannot always articulate their feelings, and they may show us how they are feeling through play or behaviors. Their anxiety may show up as: anger, negativity, difficulty sleeping (particularly falling asleep), defiance, and lack of focus. For adolescent youth, symptoms of anxiety may include recurring fears and worries about routine parts of everyday life, irritability, trouble concentrating, withdrawal, and complaints about stomachaches or headaches.
* Some practical advice for parents and caregivers
- Parents and adults need to first deal with and assess their own responses to crisis and stress.
- In PYM, adults seeking support can reach out to the Friends Counseling Service.
- Try and keep routines as normal as possible. Children gain security from the predictability of routine, including attending school.
- Be present. Listen to your children’s fears and concerns.
- Depending on their age, limit exposure to television and the news but be honest with kids and share with them as much information as they are developmentally able to handle with simple, honest answers.
- Reassure kids that the world is a good place to be (individuals are responsible for violent actions).
- Reaffirm attachments and relationships.
Resources for Adults Supporting Children and Teens
- Spiritual Practices for Use During a Traumatic News Event from Traci Smith
- Talking to Children About Gun Violence from Everytown for Gun Safety
- Talking to young children about community violence from Sesame Workshop
- Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Families and Educators from the National Association of School Psychologists
- Helping your children manage distress in the aftermath of a shooting from the American Psychological Association
- Isaiah and the Worry Pack — Learning to Trust God with All Our Fears by Ruth Goring
- A Kids Book About Anxiety by Ross Szabo from the “A Kids Book About” series. The inside covers suggests, ”This book is best read together, grownup and kid.”
Making Faithful Practices Available
Children need us to hear their concerns, and we can provide reassurance even if we do not have answers. Lifting up our worry and anxiety in prayer is another way to acknowledge those feelings and place them in the care of our Quaker faith. These coloring pages “Prayers For When You Feel Anxious” includes both suggested prayers and three different sets of images for mindful coloring. This lesson plan about meeting for worship suggests that our worship as Friends is a container that is strong enough to hold big feelings —even hard ones—and the lesson could be adapted to help process recent events and heavy hearts, alongside encouragement to continue finding the Light in our world.
Election Violence Prevention: Youth Programs
The guidance below for “Youth Programming” comes from Friend Emily Provance (a traveling minister from New York Yearly Meeting) and the Election Violence Prevention series she has created.
Featured strategy: Youth Programming
What the strategy means: There are three ways to approach this strategy: (1) encouraging teens and young adults to engage in the political process nonviolently, (2) empowering teens and young adults as leaders in the nonviolent movement, and (3) holding peaceful social events for teens and young adults during “flashpoint” moments, such as the day of an election or inauguration. How this strategy prevents election violence: Young adults and teens are often perpetrators of election violence, but this is often because older people have intentionally encouraged them to be violent. Empowering youth to take and even lead nonviolent actions means that they are much less likely to be convinced that violence is their best avenue for change.
Action Steps:
These are things that you can do to enact or promote election monitoring and mapping. Which one sounds like a good match for young people you know, and for you?
- For shepherd people (gifted in leading or organizing groups): Create or visit a youth forum, small or large, of teens and young adults. Support them in learning about and actively practicing nonviolent strategies for the political changes that they want to see.
- For relationship people (folks who are good at conversations and making friends): Ask some young people for their thoughts about the upcoming election cycle. Engage in conversation. What do they believe is likely to happen? How does that feel? Do they have concerns? Do they have ideas for action?
- For word people (talented writers and/or speakers): See if you can find a high school or university class or club to which you can speak about the election cycle and ways to engage in political change nonviolently.
- For prayer people (spiritual grounded intercessors): Pray for young people in particular throughout the election cycle. When the opportunity arises, invite young people you know to pray actively for nonviolence.
- For motion people (naturally physically active doers): Consider holding a sports tournament on a Saturday or several weekends in a row. During breaks and over snacks, talk about the election cycle and the influence young people can have on nonviolence in their communities.
- For learning people (research ninjas and data analyzers): Find out what, if anything, your local schools are teaching in terms of voter and civic education.
- For creative people (artists, musicians, performers, and crafters): Find an opportunity to hold a creative workshop of some sort for young people, either by organizing a group or by being a guest artist for an existing group. Use election violence prevention as your theme.
Image: Pixabay.com
Millville Meeting: Service to the Aging and One Friend’s Story
A Meeting’s Deep Care:
I was delighted to interview Elaine Graham, a member of Millville Monthly Meeting’s earlier Senior Concerns Committee, which is currently part of the meeting’s Spiritual Care Committee. The names of the committees both fit well with Elaine’s background as a nurse at Geisinger Health System in Danville, PA, and a professional educator who taught comunication courses. With care and communication as her background and with the support of members of the Senior Concerns Committee members including Dean Girton, Melanie Anderson, and Sandra Smith (now worshipping with Mountain View Monthly Meeting, Denver), programs and meeting guidelines regarding aging friends were developed. [Read more…] about Millville Meeting: Service to the Aging and One Friend’s Story
Spiritual State of the Meeting Report Invitation
NOTE: The deadline to submit reports has been extended to April 29, 2024
Warm greetings from the Ministry and Care Committee of Quaker Life Council. We trust this communication finds you well, grounded in Spirit and in your community of faith. All meetings are invited to submit their Spiritual State of the Meeting Reports for 2023 no later than April 15, 2024. We look forward to learning about your meeting and having the opportunity to share that learning more widely. Reports will be carefully read by members of M&C to guide our work in the next year and inform the Spiritual State of the Meeting Report for Philadelphia Yearly Meeting. To learn more about how these reports are used and how they are typically composed, see these advices. If you have further questions, please contact us at ministryandcare@pym.org. [Read more…] about Spiritual State of the Meeting Report Invitation
Tuition Aid for Quaker Children in PYM Friends Schools
The Yearly Meeting’s Quaker Education Granting Group reminds meetings and families that local meeting members’ children who are applying to or attending Friends schools are eligible to apply for educational support for the 2024-25 school year. Funding for all grants comes from the National Friends Education Fund and Philadelphia Yearly Meeting endowment income from the Jonathan Rhoads Fund and other PYM education endowments. [Read more…] about Tuition Aid for Quaker Children in PYM Friends Schools
Completing the Circle: Accompaniment and Belonging
All along the way there has been God’s Grace. Matt and I started out as, “father and son,” and now we are like brothers. (Journal entry, September 8th, 2023)
I met Matt Rosen at Pendle Hill. He was there for the spring term, 2023. He was totally different from what I had expected. As a philosophy major, coming from Oxford University, and as the Cadbury Scholar, I assumed he would be highly intellectual, very aloof, and difficult for me to make connections with. Instead, I met a young man who had a strong intellectual gift, but was clearly following his heart as well, and had two feet firmly on the ground. As it turned out, our faith journeys were very similar, despite our age difference (four decades!) and we soon became close friends.
We were both brought up in suburban Quaker Meetings, even in the same Quarter! We both struggled as youth, trying to understand the Quaker Meeting for Worship and not finding the strength within ourselves to be, “good Quakers.” We both left Quakers looking for answers elsewhere. We were both totally turned off by religion and found it empty and meaningless. We were both spoken to deeply within by a Power greater than our own. Both of us were drawn to read early Quaker writings and found real Life and Hope in them. Both of us were “convinced” deeply by an experience of Jesus as our Living Teacher, within us, and among us. We both returned to Friends to try to share our experiences and call Friends to connect to the vital faith in our roots. Pretty amazing. I was gobsmacked!
Matt and I visited the Friends Historical Library at Swarthmore College. He was working on a paper about Quaker “convincement,” what it means, and how it relates to membership. I suggested we take a break and explore the new cafeteria building. As we were looking around, a staff member came up to greet us and asked if we were enjoying our visit. He clearly thought that we were a father and son, looking at Swarthmore on a college tour. From that point on at Pendle Hill, Matt was referred to as my son. My wife, Verona, also “adopted” Matt. He quickly became a part of our family.
It was hard to say goodbye (after six weeks) when Matt left to go back to Oxford. Not long afterwards, an unexpected email arrived saying that Matt was, “feeling called to travel in the ministry” and visit meetings in the Oxford area. I shared the email with Verona and she said, “You have to go!” Friends at Middletown Meeting agreed, and some of them even offered financial support for the trip. So, with some trepidation, I wrote back and asked Matt if he had a traveling companion (elder) to go with him. I told him that I might know someone who is interested. He wrote back encouraging me to come.
This began a journey together that provided an extraordinary opportunity for us both. It helped Matt to, “find his voice,” and it helped me to close a circle and find my way forward.
I had been called to travel in the ministry among Friends as a young man (around Matt’s age) and didn’t know what this meant or how to proceed. Some older friends had encouraged me and traveled with me to help me find my way. Now I could do this for Matt. Coincidence? To me it felt like it was a gift from a Divine Hand, something I had never planned or anticipated.
[Read more…] about Completing the Circle: Accompaniment and Belonging
Caregiving for the Aging: A Family Story
Following a Friend reading the June 6 story, “History & Vision of Quaker Aging Resources” on the PYM website, I had the opportunity to connect and learn their family’s story. A member of a PYM meeting, the Friend and their family went through various stages of long-term care needs with both their parents. One parent requested to age in place at home while the other parent, although initially having the same wish, needed increased care and supervision 24/7.
The Friend’s parents had written living wills. A living will is a legal document that details how you prefer to receive medical treatment when you can no longer make decisions for yourself. This link provides examples of living will documents for all states within the PYM region.
