Following a Friend reading the June 6 story, “History & Vision of Quaker Aging Resources” on the PYM website, I had the opportunity to connect and learn their family’s story. A member of a PYM meeting, the Friend and their family went through various stages of long-term care needs with both their parents. One parent requested to age in place at home while the other parent, although initially having the same wish, needed increased care and supervision 24/7.
The Friend’s parents had written living wills. A living will is a legal document that details how you prefer to receive medical treatment when you can no longer make decisions for yourself. This link provides examples of living will documents for all states within the PYM region.
The parents and siblings rallied together to make family decisions. Some were made urgently and others with time to plan. A resource for an in-home caregiver was found in a local newsletter. When the initial interview was completed, the family knew they had selected the right person! Through the socialization of caring and visiting by family members, a long-term friendship developed with the caregiver. Memories made that could be shared, which was helpful throughout the grieving process when the parent passed away.
From this Friend’s experience, sharing with other members of their Meeting was a natural phenomenon. Caring for and support of other caregivers was recognized as a need and when another’s parent transitioned in their level of care, the support for the caregiver was given.
The Friend I spoke with identified several challenges to identifying the needs of the aged Friends and determining who needs the support initially. Here they are for your consideration:
- Is the aged person who needs the assistance the person you should be asking, or should it be the people who are supporting that person?
- Is what you discern today going to be relevant ten years from now, as there will be changes in caregiving services provided and care facility availability and costs?
- What can a specific individual or family afford?
It may be that the two PYM aging-related grant programs, Aging Assistance and Greenleaf, can help Friends and their families. Friends are encouraged to contact Sheila Sorkin, Aging Support Coordinator, with questions concerning the grant applications. (See links below).
The Friend who shared their heartfelt story hopes to have continuing revelation in this,
“so that when my time comes, I accept graciously what needs to happen. We have two kids who, I believe, will do the right thing by their folks.”
Friends, you are invited to participate in an important survey about the future of the Quaker Aging Resources website. Your participation today will assist in discerning the future impact of QAR in supporting aged Friends, their families and caregivers. We look forward to including your contribution in the review and improvement of this important work!
This article was prepared by Sheila Sorkin, PYM Aging Support Coordinator to provide support, resources and engage the aging community of the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting as part of the “To Brighten Your Day” series.
